Max's Blog

No Risk, No Reward

2010-04-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling with something lately. Do I or don't I? I've been debating if I should pull the trigger on something I want to do. The more I think about it, the more it feels like something I have to do. It's been keeping my up at night, and now it's got me up early on this foggy Saturday in New Orleans. As I look out my hotel window over the Mississippi, I can't but think tonight will leave me feeling as mighty as this giant water way or as muddy as the water in it.

Part of me is thinking this is a mistake. I don't want to fail. I don't want to ruin it all for someone else. Still, another part of me is reminding me I can't live my life in fear. I need to put all my cards on the table and let it ride.

I see it all the time at work. Young couples walk away with big paydays because they took a chance on the spin of the wheel or the roll of the dice. I've also see it go the other way, people lose it all in one second.

I'm still not sure what the right answer is, but I know what my heart is telling me. I know what I believe to be true, and as long as I am honest to that then I know I'll be alright ..... I think.

March Madness

2010-03-29T07:56:00.001-07:00

Is it crazy that the last thing on my mind right now is basketball? It's my day off, the spring break crowds have been tearing up the beaches (and casinos), and all my buddies at work are focused on the NCAA tournament. Me? All I can do is think about what I need to do next in my life.

I hate to admit it, but Biloxi is starting to grow on me. Yes, it's not Vegas, but then again nothing is. Work is great. Couldn't be better, actually. I've gotten to know the guys on my team quite well, and they've been incredibly supportive. This one guy, Coleman, has almost become like a father figure to me. What I once thought was cheesy and condescending advice has turned out to be some of the best direction I've received in a long time. He reminds me of my aunt Barb back in San Diego, and I'm so appreciative of the fact he's been patient with me and my issues.

Now I just need to figure out if I have the nerve to do what I want to do. I took a gamble leaving Vegas. I put my chips on the table. Now I need to know if I can actually throw the dice and take a chance. I've killed at the craps table before and won big, but this isn't a game. It's real life. It's my heart. I just don't know if I can let those dice fly right now.

Catching Up on Everything

2010-02-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I can't believe how much time has flown since I decided to move to Biloxi. I thought I was doing the right thing by coming out here and taking on a new challenge with Harrah's, but the last several months have got me thinking twice about everything. I don't even know where to start.

The new job is insane. I've been working a crazy schedule of 12 hour days, many times six days in a row. I'm learning a lot and making a good amount of coin, but it's just been so exhausting. I barely have time to hit the gym and do much of anything else. The people I work with are nice, but not exactly the type I'd hang with. That usually leaves me just chill'n at my apartment with my PS3 and thinking about how I need to get to sleep.

To compound to the issue, my laptop crashed and burned a couple of months ago and I haven't gotten around to getting it fixed. Not that I have much time to get online anyway, but still, I feel so out of touch from everything and everyone. It's like I've been living in a bubble the last several months.

So here I find myself at one of my neighbor's apartment following his Super bowl party. He was kind enough to invite me and I had nothing else to do on my night off (Lord knows I didn't want to go back to the casino tonight). He was also nice enough to let me use his computer to get caught up on a couple of online items which is cool.

As for the game, I couldn't really enjoy it. Even though everyone here was pulling for the Saints (I think everyone on the gulf coast shares a common bond post-Katrina), I just couldn't get into the game. My mind kept thinking about one person in particular and how this person must be experiencing this Super Bowl. It's been a complete distraction.

I took a chance coming out here and now I am not sure if I have the courage and resolve to do what I want and need to do. I guess we'll see.

Changes, More Changes and Some Regret

2009-10-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

I don't even know where to begin. I am still getting settled into my new place here in Biloxi, Mississippi, and all I can say is .... this sure 'aint Vegas. I know what I was feeling when I decided to take this promotion and move from the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas to here, but looking back I keep asking myself what was I thinking. (Isn't that a country song, BTW?)

I will admit the decision to move here was as much about the possibility of reconnecting with someone as it was about the promotion. You know how they always tell you not to make decisions when you're mad? Well, I am not so sure you should make decisions when you're longing for something or someone, either. Then, to top it off, I went and made an ass of myself last Friday. Right now I just keep looking back at Vegas and asking myself if I did the right thing.

I start training tomorrow and I know I will land on my feet here. Everyone is very nice and the hotel and casino is gorgeous. Still, when you're coming from Vegas, it's tough to compare. I just hope this decision turns out to be the right one in the long run. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Mississippi Bound (?)

2009-10-01T18:36:00.001-07:00

Sometimes things happen in a flash and you just have to go with the flow. It's kinda' like when I was surfing out at Mission Beach. You could just sit there and wait for the 'perfect' wave that may never come, or you can ride the swell the ocean gives you and see where it takes you. I think that's what happened to me today.

I can't really go into much detail except to say it looks like I am going to be making yet another move, this time from Vegas to Biloxi, MS. I know it sounds crazy and it even feels crazy, but I believe there is a crazy good reason as to why I am going. And there's a crazy good reason why things happened and tunred out the way they did. There is no such thing as coincidence.

I hope I feel as amped about this decision in the morning as I do right now, but I am sure this is all for the best.

So Far, So Good

2009-09-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

So it's halftime and the Chargers are looking good, but I thought they'd be crushing the Raiders by now.

I just wanted to take a moment to say Vegas has been amazing. I am almost to my first full month of working here, and I am really happy with how things are going. Everyone on my team has been great to work with, and my man Bradley, he's kinda' my boss, has taught me so much since I first got here. With the exception of that night I lost all my money - and I don't mean at the tables (it's a long story) - the whole Vegas experience has been incredible.

I like to think I'm making a good impression at work. I can't tell if people are noticing me or not, but I can say I haven't had any major mess ups or anything like that. I'm really looking forward to learning and taking the next step in the company, although I know that will come with time.

Come visit me in Vegas. I'll show you the ropes.

Vegas, Baby!

2009-08-11T21:34:00.001-07:00

This has been such a whirlwind week. I don't know where to begin, but I can say that I am leaving for Vegas tomorrow for a new job at Harrah's. This is so awesome and I can't wait to get there. An old friend from my days at Ft. McCoy made some calls, scheduled an interview and now I am off to Vegas.

I do have to admit I am going to miss my family here in San Diego and the last thing I thought was that this mini-sabbatical would be a permanent move for me from Jersey. But the good thing is Harrah's has casinos in Atlantic City and maybe I will find my way back home someday.

In the meantime, I am really stoked. I start my training on Thursday as the new financial analyst at Paris Casino. I guess no matter what happens from this point forward, I'll always have Paris!

WTF?!

2009-07-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

So I decided for shits and giggles to stroll down to the Convention Center and check out what all this Comic-Con buzz was all about. Let's just say there are very few times in my life when I've been freaked out, and this morning was one of them.

I don't get it. What's so cool about dressing up like a fictional character and hanging out with other people who also dress up like fictional characters? It just doesn't make any sense. These characters aren't real, people! They're simply the product of someone's imagination. Get with the program and come back to reality!

I don't know. Maybe it's an escape for these fans. I get it if you're 10 years old, but to see grown ups in body armor and sci-fi suits just makes me laugh (and freak out just a little).

Wasted Day

2009-07-18T18:14:00.001-07:00

I hate wasted days. I didn't do anything today and I'm pissed that I let myself just lose a beautiful Saturday here in S.D. I just couldn't get out of bed and even the idea of surfing, a new found passion of mine, didn't rank. I just stayed in bed staring at the ceiling fan all day.

Even now, it's only 6:15 and there's so much I can and should be doing, but my arms feel like anvils and my brain can't get out of first gear. I'm hungry and I need to eat, but I am too damn lazy to get up and fix myself something. I really, really hate lazy days like this.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Surfing

2009-07-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

I've been taking up surfing since I made it out here to California not too long ago. I've had a lot on my mind lately and my instructor convinced me to write it all down. I don't know anything about this blogging stuff, but my instructor said it helped her deal with a lot.

California is a completely different atmosphere from Jersey, and although I miss my car, I am not sure I'm ready to go back. Hell, I don't even know if I ever will go back, but I do miss my car so bad.

Learning to surf has been a lot like what my roadtrip out here was like. It's very exciting and something I am looking forward to being good at, but it's so frustrating at times. Just when you think you've got it, a wave or something else comes and makes you fall flat on your back.

Life sure can get crazy at times and I am really enjoying the downtime. Still I know I can't make this last forever. Getting caught up with my family out here has been awesome, but I think I need to think about getting a steady job before all my cash is gone. Hopefully something will line up for me soon.